Saturday, October 20, 2007

Why Is This Necessary?

So I just got home from seeing The Jet Age and Bellman Barker at the Quarry House (no pics, excellent show), and saw this utterly ridiculous article.

If you're too busy, lazy or apathetic to click through - my Google Analytics thanks you, by the way - it's a short article on about an appearance that author J.K. Rowling did in New York a couple of days ago. Apparently while taking questions from fans, Rowling provided three pieces of "news" about the characters from the Harry Potter books:

(1) Dumbledore is (was?) gay, and had an affair with the dude who preceded him as headmaster
(2) Hagrid never did marry that giant chick
(3) Neville married Hannah Abbott

Um... ok... but WHO GIVES A RATS ASS?

We bought your books, lady, and you gave us your story. That's it. It's over. I don't need any more mindless, unnecessary information. I don't need to know if Mr. Weasley ever got another car. I don't need to know how many hours Hermione was in labor. I don't need to know if Lee Jordan ever picked up a scorching case of herpes. THEY'RE NOT REAL PEOPLE. There's simply no reason to keep making meaningless crap up about these characters' lives. It's over. Move on.

Rowling's need to keep adding unnecessary details kind of reminds me of one of my favorite Simpsons moments, when at the end of the "Das Bus" episode (the Lord of the Flies episode), they run out of time with the kids all still stranded on the island, and a voice-over narration (James Earl Jones, natch) comes in and very quickly and off-the-cuff wraps up the episode by expaining that: "So the children learned how to function as a society, and eventually they were rescued by, oh, let's say... Moe."

I can't wait until J.K. tells us what positions at the Ministry of Magic Harry's great-grandchildren held. It'll be riveting.


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