Liveblogging Tell Me You Love Me

While some others are liveblogging the MTV Video Music Awards, I figured I'd liveblog the premiere episode of HBO's new show, Tell Me You Love Me.

9:00pm: The show isn't starting on time.
9:04pm: Ah, there it is.
9:06pm: Dude jerks off in bed while his wife starts the shower. Wife sees him through the open door.
9:08pm: Different couple get into passive-aggressive fight over a cake at their engagement party.
9:10pm: Yet another couple fights. Wife then goes to bathroom, and camera (and husband) watches her pee.
9:12pm: Old, graying couple shown making out.

OK, I'm done. I can already tell this is going to be terrible, self-indulgent and depressing. Even worse, you just made me watch a chick pee in the first 10 minutes of the show. Totally unnecessary. I've had enough painful, awkward, depressing relationship moments in my life. I don't need to watch a show about it for an hour every week.

Just bring back The Wire already, HBO.

Edited to add: 9:17pm: Ah yes, soft porn. Wonderful. The girl's attractive, but I could get this on Cinemax, guys.

9:19pm: A 10-year old girl gets her period.

What the fuck is this show?

Edited again: 9:37pm: OK, that's the third instance of dude ass in just one episode. That's more dude ass than I like to see in the course of a decade, let alone 33 minutes. Please make it stop.

Edited again: 9:53pm: The hot blonde wife from The Mind of the Married Man literally just jerked a guy off on tv. The whole thing was shown, ejaculation and all. This just became something more than soft porn. But it's still not particularly good.

9:55pm: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I am simply not watching an old lady give an old dude head. It's just not happening. Make it stop.

9:56pm: Show ends. I may keep watching this show, but only for the same reasons I used to watch Undressed on MTV - it's a trainwreck with hot, naked chicks (except for the old one).